so that wasnt chicken after all
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
