I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
