yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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