hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
