I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
