Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
