Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
