Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
