i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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