you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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