I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
