ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
