just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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