Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
