for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
