I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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