And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
