I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
