By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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