I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
