I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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