so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
