Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
