Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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