You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
false alarm, still single
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
