we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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