rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
