I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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