There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
