I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
