I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
