I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
