Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
