Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
