We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
