We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
