About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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