he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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