Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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