I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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