The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
