Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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