The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
