My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
