at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
