Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
