Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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