This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
