Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
