I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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